maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
