I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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