everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize