So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
