let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize