so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
