Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize