He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
