The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
