there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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