After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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