This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
