Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He has the fingertips of a God
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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