you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
