Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i think my cat just said my name.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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