My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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