And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
