so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize