glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
