when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
