All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
