Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
