your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
