I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
