oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
