Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
