Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
