my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
