and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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