absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
