Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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