im gay
i know
yea but for you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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