1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
