Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
