when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
