Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
