barbara walters just said penis...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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