I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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