you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
