i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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