I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
