But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
