So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
and you fell through a lawn chair
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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