R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
