i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize