we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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