Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
