she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i drank out of a bidet.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
