Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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