if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
