Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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