I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
