look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
