how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
