If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
