So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
