He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
