I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
