Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
