he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
