i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
