With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
