well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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