1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
