After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
