How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
