Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
