i will never coherently bang her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
