I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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