I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
