I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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