apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How external is "for external use only"?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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