i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize